Bourne Needs A Tugboat

Granted, there are more important issues in the world, and even in Bourne. However, the town made a critical error back in 2006, and the responsibility for fixing it falls on us.

Bourne used to have her own landmark, right on the Belmont Circle rotary. It wasn’t the Statue of Liberty or the Washington Monument. No, it was just humble little Tugboat, loved by all.

Somebody went out of business, someone put in a CVS… and our little tugboat was allowed to slip away. NY Central #16 (picture from the New York Times) went to the Great Canal In The Sky, and Belmont Circle has been whack ever since.

We need a new tugboat. We need to acquire it, transport it and plop that sucka right in the middle of the rotary island.

To say that a slump has hit Buzzards Bay (the Bourne village, not the body of water, which is doing fine) is being generous. Main Street has more shuttered businesses than, uhm, ah… well, let’s just say that business is not good there.

Pols and business leaders will offer explanations for this, many of which are correct. None of these explanations cover town spirit.

I am a certified expert in school spirit, as I won Most School Spirit during my high school days. Granted, I won this award because the gods blessed me with a big booming voice that can be heard over just about anything, but let’s not allow technicalities to cloud the argument or the achievement.

Buzzards Bay has no school spirit.

It is a malaise that eats to the center of the town. We are something that you drive past on your way to somewhere else.

A tugboat isn’t going to solve all of that, but it would help give us an identity, and that’s a start. We can’t recreate the old days, but we can take advantage of the fact that people grew up looking at the tugboat, and kind of miss it now that it isn’t here.

We have several options if we decide to press forward on this issue.

We could get a real tugboat. It doesn’t have to be seaworthy, or new… sh*t, it might look more authentic if it’s a bit rusty. Used ones are cheaper anyhow.

I saw one for $25K, but it actually floats and drives and all that unnecessary stuff that a rotary tugboat wouldn’t need.

There must be one sitting unused and unloved in New Bedford or Gloucester or Mystic that we could get our hands on for short green. Throw it on a flatbed, cut down a few trees and drop her right in the middle of the rotary.

I even read about a tugboat sitting in the Potomac River. It belongs to some business, and they use it for various projects involving the Pentagon. Thusly, it lives in semi-permanent anchorage in the Potomac River. The article was from 2010, so we may be too late as far as working on some sort of trade goes.

The name of the tugboat? Her name is the “Bourne.”

If that proves problematic, why not build a fake one? It’s not like she’s ever going to have to go into the water or anything, right? It would be a lot cheaper than buying or transporting the Bourne up to Bourne.

Also, building one allows us a certain creative freedom that we would not have if we needed to build the tugboat that would actually work. It can have two bows if we want, three sterns, or it could be the size of what you think of when you imagine what Noah’s Ark might have looked like. It should also have cannons, because reasons.

You could also build it without doors, so kids won’t be drinking in it and homeless people won’t be sleeping in it.

A new Tugboat would also give us an excuse to rename the high school sports teams mascot. “Canalmen” is so lame, it limps. “Canalwomen” is worse, neighboring on a metaphor for working girls. Many names would be better… among them, “Tugboats.” I’d hang that name on the Braves, too.

The bow, or one of the bows, should be aimed due East in a manner that gives it a Stonehenge effect when the sun rises on the day of the Summer Solstice. You could conceivably do the stern so the same effect is seen at the sunset of the day when the Autumn Equinox begins. That will at least get us attention.

Someone should already be working on this.



Bourne, In The Morning… But Not This Morning



Some mornings, I drive around seeking stories. Sometimes, you just have to walk a round town… or climb up on the roof of a defunct tavern, whatever works.



I was going for a nice red/white/blue moyif, but the power lines make it look like the houses were fighting Spider Man.



The upper northwest corner of Barnstable County.



You can’t see the beach, but is at the bottom of the stairs, trust me.


More tavern-scaling, to get the Bourne Bridge.


Cape Cod Summer Traffic Begins

The traffic doesn’t bother me as much as it did when I washed ashore (wrong term, I was far out on Duxbury Beach enough that a move to Cape Cod actually brought me inland some) here a dozen years ago. Part of that is me getting used to the traffic patterns. Part of it is me knowing when not to try the rotary. Part of it is the slow process of me becoming a full Cape Codder.

Either way, one thing that Cape Codders love to do is read comments on local Facebook pages on the Friday that kicks off Memorial Day weekend. You hear from everyone who got lulled into a sense of false security by the winter traffic, although that is somewhat muted this year after a lengthy Sagamore Bridge project snarled up the traffic in the spring. They try to go down to the Way Ho or to the Mezza Luna… and Whammo!


“I gave up and turned around and said “Screw it,'” from a girl who I know well enough to say that she was leaving Onset and going to Buzzards Bay House Of Pizza. The ride normally takes five minutes, but these are not normal times, player.

“Already over this f***ng traffic!!” from another Onset resident trying to cross one of the bridges. A quick look at her Facebook page shows, an hour earlier, a much happier post with little hearts that says “Spending this beautiful day with my family on the Cape!”¬†

My car crawled into work at 8, and the traffic hasn’t let up all day,” said a Christmas Tree Shoppe employee.

“I might cut off some motherf**ker’s head!” Oh wait, that was me. Ever since I got the Godzilla hood ornament, I drive angrier and often fantasize about stomping on Japanese port cities.


Bourne is a lovely town and Buzzards Bay or Sagamore are nice villages in that town. However, even nice things have flaws, and our flaw is traffic.

Both bridges cross the Canal in Bourne, and a few unfortunately-placed rotaries make it even worse. Buzzards Bay has almost 4000 souls on a good day, but they have Chicago-style traffic on bad day.

I’ll write at length about that traffic when I am angrier about it. For now, I like the traffic. It is a harbinger of future summer days. It is very much like the first snow of the year, in that I like it at first, then curse it after a few more times seeing it.

It’s a slow creep. Many June days, especially rainy ones, will have almost no traffic at all. But from this point on, any time that you try to cross one of the bridges… well, don’t say that we didn’t warn you.


Speaking of which…

The Massachusetts State Police are reminding you to not text and drive or maybe not drive drunk or maybe just to wear your seatbelts.

They did so with a display below, where a crash test dummy who apparently was updating his Facebook failed to see some obstacle and got his neck broken like he was Teddy Pendergrass.

Sucks to be him, huh?

Setting up a “WTF is that?” display right next to the entrance into a rotary (one stuffed today with many people from states which don’t have rotaries, I might add) isn’t the safest thing ever, but State Troopers know car accidents better than I do, so the risk must be relatively low.

33602785_10156289103627510_5384740635188133888_oHey, the car was moving, it was the best shot I could get!

Happy Memorial Day Weekend, everyone!

Voting In Bourne Today

Bourne is holding their Town elections today, and we strongly urge you to go downtoen to exercise your right to vote.

You can vote for Selectman (or woman), Board of Health people, Recreation committee people and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Polls opened at 7 AM, and will stay open until 8 PM. I voted, and the staff were very helpful when I didn’t turn up on the voter rolls due to me blowing off those census forms.

This column personally is representin’ hard for Precinct 1.


Defending Donald


Hurry down to Cumbys on Main Street in Buzzards Bay today before the deep state stormtroopers move along the LaRouche people.


You may remember them from a few years ago in the same spot, where they had a Barack Obama with a Hitler mustache poster.


The guy seemed nice enough, although he got told to f*ck off by a few passing cars. I don’t think anyone beat him up last time, so things should be A-OK down in Bee Bay.


Donald can’t do it alone, which is why God made Russia. It may have been the third Fatima Secret. Stacey is our only hardcore Catholic on the staff, so I took the liberty of leaving her contact information instead of mine. “I know a guy named Courtney,” said one of the guys sympathetically, as he checked my info and deduced that he was looking at a 6’5″ Stacey.


I don’t know what eastern Australia did to run afoul of the Larouche paradigm, but it must suck when Yemen gets invited to a party and you don’t.

My man breaks it down for you, below…



Checking Out Some April Snow…

You never know when the snow you are seeing may be the last snow of the season, so we got out into it.
It was nice snow- photography weather… lots of snow falling, but the roads were wet, not icy.
This is actually a pretty nice sledding hill, other than the part where you end up on Route 3.


We detoured through Duxbury for some yard shots.
Norwell, and no, the driver is not on the camera…
I think this was Plymouth…we were just bombing around, to be honest.
We did first take the camera out in Holbrook, but we ended up on the Cape… although the Snoop video below is in Kingston.


Blizzard of 2018 Pics, Snow Totals And A Warning Of Storms To Come…

Some storm, huh? The Blizzard of ’18 is in the books, or at least in the aftermath stage.

We are running this website from a phone as we huddle in a Toyota for warmth. There is no power, the landscape is trending Siberian and I had to go to Rochester to get a coffee.

That doesn’t stop Cranberry County Magazine, player…

Let’s talk Blizzard, try to keep warm and you might learn something before we’re through.

I measured like this, I measured like that, I measured with the wiffle ball bat

Snowfall Totals

Bourne… 14.5

Pocasset… 5.5 (Pocasset is part of Bourne, but the mainland parts of Bourne got into the South Shore snow depth)

Falmouth… 9.2

Hyannis… 9.0

Marston Mills…. 8.0

Harwich… 8.0

Brewster… 3.5

Fall River… 18.0


Mansfield… 17.3

Dighton 16.1

Acushnet 16.0

Taunton… 15.6

New Bedford… 14.0

Dartmouth… 14.0

Westport 13.3

Attleboro 12.0

Fairhaven… 11.5

Wilmington… 31.0 (worst in Massachusetts )


Weymouth 16.5

Bridgewater 16.5

Kingston 16.0

Plymouth 15.9

Middleboro 14.9

Whitman 15.2

Brockton 14.5

Hanson 14.2

Rockland 14.5


Wareham 10.5

Hanover 12.3

Marshfield 9.0

Lakeville 11.0

Carver 10.0

Cedarville 9.0

Hingham 8.6


Power is out to over 125k or so, mostly on Cape Cod.

Plympton and Provincetown both were listed as 100% without power for much of yesterday. ¬†Provincetown has 5876 Eversource customers… 5873 were without power at the height of the storm.

The crews are out there, busting ass. They can’t go up in a bucket to fix wires until the winds get under 30 MPH.


There may be more trouble on the way.

Talk of another nor’easter next week is making the rounds. Tuesday is the date that I am hearing.

Worse… I was hanging out with a meteorologist last night, and he told me that the European models show a monster storm coming for Massachusetts around March 25th.

Just thought that I might brighten your day some…

Here are some more pics…

Power folk out doing their best… I just got it back on in Buzzards Bay.
If you’re going to lose the tree, you might as well go all in and have it fall on the car.
Obligatory snowy field shot


Route 195 is somewhat of a guessing game…
I had to go from Cape Cod to Rochester in order to get my Funky on…
“I was out in the car getting Nice” probably has something to do with me thinking that this tree looks like a really really nice Thai stick
I got the camera out too late to fully Illustrate how snowy trees sometimes make a road very dark, even on a sunny day
The start of the Blizzard in Bourne.
I had to drive under a few wires to get to the Mo Beach Cumberland Farms, which was the only place open that was selling soda and cigarettes.
I have my “No School, All Schools” stock photo for the next millennium
Keep warm…

Sagamore Beach Friday High Tide


We did a surf check as a nor’easter came to Massachusetts.


We did a tour of the South Shore, Duxbury through Kingston through Plymouth to Sagamore Beach.


Sagamore Beach has Cape Cod as a barrier beach, so these waves are pretty bad.

This was the first high tide of a 6 tide cycle. We will check again before the storm ends.


Surf Check, Plymouth/Bourne/Sandwich

We rolled out in the snowstorm to check the surf for you. We started in Sandwich… we worked between the Coast Guard Station and Horizons, because you can only roll so hard during a snowstorm in a Toyota Yaris.

Apologies for the video… I generally click off any rap music that has been auto-tuned (I’m an old guy, I prefer Chuck D and the Wu), but you take what you can get with Sandwich Public Radio, 91.5 on your FM dial.


Not really boiling over with ambition (the real damage is being done in the coastal flooding heavyweight towns like Duxbury and Marshfield), we went over the river (Canal) and through the snow to Sagamore Beach we go!

This video, of Sagamore Beach, may be better if you have heavy bass capabilities on your computer.

This is pretty heavy for Sagamore Beach, however…
You will notice that I bravely leaned out of my car window to get these shots.
I got out of the car for this shot, but I was on an eight story hill….¬† White Cliffs, Cedarville, Plymouth.
They coulda put that sh*t up straight, huh? Oh wait, it’s our crappy photographer.
Technically, it is Plymouth, I did check for surf, and stayed true to the mission statement of the article. This is Island Pond, in Cedarville. No surf to speak of.
My man Boo doesn’t worry much about the snow. I took 50000 shots of my old border collie (the imitable Sloppy Dogg), and she never sat as still as Boo does.

Back to Sandwich in the final video, because I forgot to wedge this video into the Sammich part of the article.

Sea Ice From Cape Cod Bay

Rock Harbor Beach, Orleans MA, above…

We end up at the beach a lot in this profession, even in January after a deep freeze. Thusly, we stumble across enough sea ice to get a few pics.

Cape Cod Bay has been yielding a ton of sea ice, so we parked next to this shack and got out to see what there was to see.

First stop. Orleans/Eastham area…
A nice, ice-free harbor…
Water washes onto the marsh, freezes… or sea ice washes ashore. Similar effect…
I wasn’t really wearing the right shoes to trek out there, but 1) you can now stop wondering why they call it “Rock Harbor,” and 2) there are some small-car-sized pieces of ice out there.
A lot of this ice was floating around Cape Cod Bay, then was washed ashore for us to gawk at. It goes away with a few warm days, as salt-water ice lacks staying power.
My man has an eye on things… or the town has 1) a pterodactyl or 2) a Mothman or 3) a slightly-out-of-his-range Jersey Devil.
Spooky tree award winner for today… I’d hate to walk under that sucker at night.
May as well dip into the archives, this is Duxbury.
Bourne, Cape Cod Canal
If you tire of Sea Ice but still need to rhyme it with something, why not Tree Ice?


We’ll finish with a nice, frosty marsh… Duxbury, facing Kingston.